If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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