how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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