The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
