But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
