i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
