I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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