Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
