I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
