The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
