just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
