Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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