names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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