That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
