Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
