We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
