you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
