So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
