And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
