Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
