I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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