I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
