So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
