Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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