it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
