my phone needs a breathalizer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Randomize
