Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
