Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
