Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
