Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
