whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
