Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My feet surprised me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
