she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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