you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
