...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
