Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
