idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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