I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
