Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
