is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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