Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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