I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
