Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
