I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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