He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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