i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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