Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
