I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
