i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
