Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
