She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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