there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
