Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
