Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
