i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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